


Pillow Talk

by somelikeitpink



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Not really though, Phan over the years, Pillow Talk, Songfic, slightly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 15:38:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5972308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somelikeitpink/pseuds/somelikeitpink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Song Fic for Zayns Pillow Talk. The fic that nobody asked for.</p><p>Since Dan seemed to "connect" to the lyrics so well, I wondered why. </p><p>Snippets of their timeline shared in their bedroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pillow Talk

**Author's Note:**

> So yes. This is a thing that happened.  
> I don't know how, or why but it happened. 
> 
> I could have written so much more about this, but I had to keep it at least somehow contained. 
> 
> This is unbetad, so I'm sorry about any possible mistakes.

  


  


_I'd love to hold you close, tonight and always_

  


2009\. The first night they spend together. Even he had tried, he wouldn’t have been able to close his eyes. Phil is lying right next to him. Technically his mum had prepared the guest room for him, but it had been instantly clear that it would only be used as a space to leave his luggage in.  
They didn’t have sex yet. Even though he had thought he’d be ready for it when he came to Manchester, he was glad Phil had not pushed it into more than kissing.  
It was strange he thought to himself. He had spend years kissing his girlfriend, having sex with her and thinking it meant the world, but he hadn’t known just how it could _feel._

The single act of two lips pressed together. The world dropped away and nothing but the two of them existed. His hands shaking as he reached up to cup Phil’s face. Always making sure he was real. 

“I am here.” Phil's soft laugh interrupting the quiet, trying to calm his nerves. 

Dan tries. He does but.. pulling away from his lips feels like giving up on that little bubble they had created for each other. 

“I know I…” Dan presses his eyes closed before abruptly looking back up at Phil. He wouldn’t miss a second that he could look at him if he could help it. “I just can’t believe I am.”  
Phil’s gaze softens, his hands on Dans waist tightening. “I am so glad to know you don’t just exist of the 10 pixels that Skype manages.”  
He surprises him, manages to catch him unguarded enough that the small laugh just escapes Dan. Phil always surprises him.  
“I just want to stay here forever.” He murmurs back, not yet willing to completely destroy the magic they had created in that moment. 

“I want to always hold you.” Phil replies, pressing a gentle kiss on his nose. It tickles and Dan can’t help it as he scrunches his nose up, Phil’s responding chuckle resonating against him. “Don’t want to let you go.. “  
They haven’t yet talked about what they are. There’s a part of him that doesn’t want to have that conversation just yet, doesn’t want to deal with the possibility of rejection. But another part of him.. also wants to hear it. Wants Phil to confirm that this is not just him. That this is more than just Dan crushing on his favourite youtuber. That he isn’t loosing his mind and heart to this man in front of him.  
Tomorrow will be another day. They will spend it right here in bed, eating breakfast for hours before finally deciding to get up and do something else. There will be kisses, so many Dan will loose count and his lips will be red and raw by the time he’s on his way back home.  
But for now, for now it’s just them. Kissing, talking and making sure the other one is really next to them, sharing the same bed covers. Holding each other close for the night. 

  


_So we’ll piss off the neighbours_

  


2010\. They must hate them. He knows it for a fact, has seen the dirty looks the older couple gave them as they exited their hotel room at the same time as they did. 

He knows he should probably care about decency or be embarrassed by it, but he’s too happy to bring himself to care.   
They’re in Portugal. Somehow they had managed to steal themselves away for a holiday just by themselves. Dan isn’t exactly sure how they had managed that, what he had told his parents to get them to agree that letting him go away with his older boyfriend was a good idea, but he’d thank whatever deity was out there for the rest of time.  
Phil is stretched out beside him, the thin blanket barely covering his naked body. He had fallen back asleep with a smile on his face, the blowjob that Dan had woken him up with and the following breakfast in bed tiring him out enough that he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes open anymore after.  
They had a long night, relishing in the fact that they were in a new exciting place together, with nobody who knew them around and not having to keep quiet.  
Sex with Phil was everything he had and hadn’t been able to imagine. It’s exciting and new and sometimes Dan still can’t believe the way Phil looks at him sometimes. As if he is the one who had won the lottery and not Dan. Suddenly Dan can understand why some people go on holiday purely to have sex.  
He knows they will eventually leave their bed - and their room. Will explore Portugal as much as they can in the limited time they have.  
But right now all he can think about is the way the sunlight hits Phil’s skin. Makes his already white skin seem almost translucent. Secretly he hopes he won’t tan too much in their time here, liking the way their skins contrast when they are sliding against one another. 

The sheets beside start to rustle, Phil blinking tired but satisfied up at him. He can’t help the way his mouth always seems to form into a smile around him, addicted to the way it makes Phil’s expression go gentle and soft. 

“How long have you watched me sleep, you stalker?” He finally grumbles, his deeper voice sending a slight shiver down Dans spine. The effect that boy still had on him.  
“Only for the last half an hour.” he replies honestly, enjoying the blush that creeps onto Phils face.  
“You should have woken me up… I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”  
Dan shrugs, pressing a quick kiss on where his cheeks had turned red.  
“I think our neighbours hate us.” He changes the topic, leaning back against the headboard of the bed. “When I brought the plates from breakfast out, that old guy was leaving the room and he was glaring at me.” 

Phil chuckles deeply, his hand reaching out to grab dans lazily, intertwining their fingers. “Well somebody wasn’t exactly quiet last night.” 

This time, it was Dans turn to blush deeply. “Well I am sorry for making use of the fact that we don’t have to worry about your parents bursting in for once.”

“Hey that was only once.. “ Phils defence drowns in their shared laughter, the memory still fresh in their minds.

Their laughter slowly tampers off and it only takes a moment of staring in each others eyes until Dan coyly smiles back at Phil, sliding down the pillows to be at eye level with Phil.

“What do you say if we give them something to be pissed off about?” He can feel in the change of atmosphere, in the way Phil leans over him again, his lips mere millimetres from his. “I think that’s an excellent idea…”

  


_In the place that feels the tears_

_The place to lose your fears_

  


  


2011\. He can’t breathe. There is a part of him that tells him that oxygen is necessary to survive. But right now his chest is tight and he can’t breath. He’s lying on his side, the tears freely running down his face into the pillow below him. He can’t do this. He tried. He tried so hard to want this, but his heart just.. isn’t in it.  
The sheets behind him move around, and he can feel that Phil turning to him before he feels his arm wrap around his waist.  
“Babe..” His deep voice tickles across his neck, a kiss pressed to his hair. He doesn’t ask him to stop. Doesn’t tell him that he should get over it and get on with his life. He knows that if he decided to just… never make a decision, Phil wouldn’t do more than try and show him another thousand possibilities.  
“I can’t do it Phil. I just.. I can’t do it.” He must have repeated the words back to Phil hundreds of times already, and they are still as true as they had been the first time. 

He doesn’t even remember anymore why he had thought law school was a good idea. Him. A lawyer. With a nine to five office job. How could he have ever been so stupid.   
“Then don’t.” Phil simply answers. It’s the same response every time, and every time all Dan does is stay silent, waiting until the voices in his head quiet down enough to fall asleep.  
Surprising both of them now though Dan turns around, searching out Phils eyes in the dim light that falls into their bedroom.  
“But.. what else am I supposed to do? I don’t have anything else?” He stops himself, his eyes closing tightly as breathing gets harder again. “There is nothing for me out there. I am a failure.. Everybody else can do it.. Why can’t I just.. be normal.” his voice breaks and Phil’s grip on him tightens. 

“There is the whole world out there. Waiting for you.” Gently Phil wipes away another tear that fell down his cheeks. “And it can’t wait to see how special you are. Because you are.” Another tear, caught between Phil’s lips. “You aren’t a failure. This is just not the path you’re supposed to take. But there are others out there. And I’m glad you aren’t normal. You’re you. You’re my Dan.”  
He can’t help the small smile in response. Phil’s Dan. Dan’s Phil.

“I know you’re scared. But you’re not alone. I am right here. And I’ll be here for as long as you let me.”

It would be easy to get lost in the stream of Phil’s words. In all the niceties. But the dark thoughts in his head won’t keep quiet long enough.   
“But what am I supposed to _do._ ” Dan breathes out, letting Phils arms anchor him in the here and now. “I can’t do anything else.”  
The hesitancy in Phil’s response makes Dan stop. “What about Youtube?” He finally says slowly. It’s obvious that he had thought about saying this for a long time. 

“I can’t really _live_ off Youtube Phil.” Teasing. Because the possibility of stopping to live life as it is now and take this step is both so terrifying and exhilarating that he won’t let himself consider it.

“Well don’t I live off it?” He doesn’t make fun of him. Never does. He knows when he needs to stay serious with Dan.

“But you are amazing, Phil.” It is only after the words leave his mouth and he sees the corner of Phil’s mouth quirk that he realises what he just said. “Oh shut up.” 

His own chuckle betrays him in the end. The tears haven’t quite stopped falling yet but there are fewer of them.  
“What do I need to do to make you loose your fears?” Phil’s voice is gentle again, and as cliche as it would have sounded with anybody else, all Dan can do in response is tug on his neck, bring their lips closer. “Just hold me close.”

  


_My enemy, my ally_

_Prisoners_

_Then we're free, it's a thriller_

  


  


2012\. Another night. Another night spend sleeping in the same bed, but there might as well have been miles between them. 

The mattress dips behind him, Phil having snuck into the room while he is still pretending to sleep. He knows that Phil is looking right through him, knows that they won’t get any sleep any time soon. After three years being in bed together had got a lot of different meanings. There was the closeness in the beginning. The sex. The hours spend talking about the future, dreaming up what might never happen.  
It had always been their sacred space, and over the years of letting more and more people take part in their lives, let them rip apart every part of it that they could get a hold of, it had become the only place where they could talk freely. The only place where they knew without a doubt that they would never lie to each other. 

Times are hard. Theres a tenseness between them that had never gotten a grip on their relationship before. More times than not Dan isn’t even sure anymore if Phil is on his side anymore or if he became one with the wall of enemies that seem to try to hold Dan back, keep his wings clipped and remind him of every single mistake he has ever made.

Words have been spoken between them, things said that they could never unsay again. And how Dan wishes they could.  
He knows the fans are wondering what happened. He knows he’s unable to keep his frustrations to himself, venting out into the void that is the internet. He knows it’s childish and he will regret every word in a few years. But standing in the corner with nowhere to go except out, a direction he can’t even fathom right now, there’s no other way for him to escape than explode. In all directions.  
“Stop pretending you are asleep, I know you’re awake.” Phil’s voice interrupts his thought process before it can drag him down further. He doesn’t sound angry anymore. He had been an hour ago, but now all he seems is exhausted. 

“I’m not.” Dan replies, but the tone falls flat and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Do we have to do this now?”

Phil sighs behind him, the sound echoing in the room. “I saw your rant on the blog.”  
Dan stiffens. In the light of day he would have already bit back a reply, but here in the darkness of their bedroom, under their covers there other rules that apply.  
“I don’t like it either.” Phil finally says, his voice sounding as tired as Dan feels about it.“It was ours. It was never meant for them. It was a gift for you and they took it and.. “ 

It is the way Phil’s voice breaks that makes Dan turn around, reach blindly for Phil’s hand. 

“But nobody can take what we have.” He replies softly. No matter what happens, this is something he is sure of. “They can’t touch this. They can take that video, can take our relationship and insert their fantasies into it, make us their puppets but they can’t.. they can’t touch this.”  
He’s not even quite sure where the words are coming from. But it seems to be the right thing to say. 

As Phil shifts, the moonlight falls over him, betraying him as it shows the way his eyes have teared up. It breaks something inside Dan. Phil wasn’t like him. He doesn’t get emotional like he does, keeps it locked down inside. It is only in the security of the darkness, the comfort of their own bed that he let’s himself come this close to breaking… showing just how bad it must have gotten. 

“I.. “ he starts, looking down at their joint hands. “How can you be so sure of that? Have they not done that already?”   
Dan sits up, making sure he’s able to look into Phil’s eyes before he answers. “No. We aren’t their prisoners. We aren’t enemies. You and me.. against the rest of the world. Wasn’t that how it always was? And it will always be that way.”  
The soft laughter coming out of Phils mouth is surprising both of them and doesn’t take long for Dan to join in. It had been a long time since they had laughed that way. 

“You are so cheesy you know that?” Dan grins, his own eyes wetter than he likes. “It’s supposed to be cheesy.”

Their lips find each other again and Dan knows that he had been right. They couldn’t touch this. They were free. 

  


_I'd love to hold you close, tonight and always_

_I'd love to wake up next to you…_

  


  


2015\. “I can’t believe you.” 

“What? Come on you’ve got to admit it was pretty epic.” 

“You, are a walking cliche.” 

“Well too bad.. you just agreed to marry this giant cliche.” 

Dan can’t help himself as the grin takes over this face, his gaze still locked onto the black band on his finger. Marry. They would be married. 

They would be.. He sits up all of a sudden, staring down at Phil in the dim light that the sky scrapers around their hotel shine into their room. “We are getting married.” Dan rushes the words out, his eyes looking back and forth between the engagement ring and his fiance. His _fiancé._

“Yeeeeeah.” Phil drawls out, a shit eating grin on his face. “If you only realise now that you don’t want that, sorry it’s too late. I’m not giving up my fiancé rights.”

If Dan wasn’t still so distracted by the ring he’d probably have seen it coming, but as it is he is thrown over by Phil bouncing onto him, pinning him down against the mattress. 

In wonder he stares up at the black haired man above him. Carefully he reaches out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen into his face. “Did you ever see this moment coming?” he finally whispers out. He knows he doesn’t need to say more, can see it in every faint wrinkle in Phil’s face that he thinks of the same moments, locked in time in their history. 

“I did promise you forever.” Phil whispers back, leaning down to brush his lips against Dans. “I like to keep my promises you know?”

Dan’s eyes flutter shut and he’s reminded of an eighteen year old, unwilling to close his eyes, just to make sure that he wouldn’t miss out on a single moment that could be spend looking at the man in front of him. 

  
“Forever.. and always?” he murmurs out, feeling Phil chuckle against his throat. “You know just to make sure..”  
“Tonight and always.” He replies easily, and the words settle against his skin. 

  


_Pillow Talk_

_It's our paradise and it's our war zone..._


End file.
